Scripture Study and Prayer
Before my mission, I didn’t love the scriptures. They were hard, confusing, and not even in the English language if you asked me! It was like this foreign text I just did not get, and it was a true chore to read. In my family we always said family prayer at dinner and at night before we went to bed, but as for personal prayers, it wasn’t a daily habit. Like many in the world today, I usually just prayed when I was in need of something serious or going through a hard trial.
Now, I can’t even explain the love I have for the scriptures. I remember when I came out to the mission field, I knelt in prayer just before I began the Book of Mormon, for the first time in my whole life. I prayed and said Heavenly Father, the scriptures are confusing to me, but I want to read those, help me, help me understand the words and the stories. Then I began reading, and I fell in love with the Book of Mormon, it came alive to me! I understood what I was reading, the stories made sense, and I didn’t want to put it down. I went on to read the Old and New Testament, then the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price. I was able to read the entire standard works, and I loved every minute of it, and I can’t wait to read it again and again. I have been able to read the Book of Mormon a number of times, and I have found so much strength, guidance and answers to prayers in it. As for my prayers, I now pray at least 20 times a day, if not more. I love praying before I go to sleep and accounting with my Heavenly Father and thanking Him for all the numerous blessings I saw that day, and then I can wake up and set goals with Him, and ask for help for the things I am in need of. This is a pattern I want to apply for the rest of my life, as it has helped me strengthen my relationship with God. I know He is there and He listens and will often answer our prayers through the scriptures.
Obedience
Before my mission I was slightly rebellious. I didn’t care too much about consequences or not, because it seemed like I was always in trouble with my parents for disobedience. I didn’t have too much of a conscience because I was so far from the spirit. I lied and I stole and I hid things and I was very into the natural man and the temporal happiness that comes along with that. I had good moments, and good phases where I did want to be good, but for the most part I was just not a righteous young women. It wasn’t until I got to college and left home, and started my true conversion to Jesus Christ. But most of my teenage years and high school, I was not living up to the potential God saw in me. The worst part is I didn’t really care about where I stood with God.
Now that is all I want. I want to be right with God, I want to stand before Him in absolute confidence, and I want nothing to stain my garments with sin. I love God, I want to please Him. I have focused so much on improving the spiritual man in me and overcoming the natural man through daily repentance. As I have sought every day to purify myself and my life, I have drawn closer than ever to the spirit. This has truly increased my spirituality and my desire for obedience to become a pure vessel for the spirit to dwell. I remember one period in my mission, I was surrounded by some disobedience of others, as I strived to stand up for what was right, which was scary, I found in my life an increased sense of happiness in my life. While I was seeking counsel from my parents, my dad said “We are all asked to stand in holy places....leaders are the ones who are willing to stand there alone.” I want to forever be a leader in the Lord’s army standing for truth and righteousness. I want to be obedient in all things. I love (and also don’t love so much) that as I have drawn closer to the spirit, even the smallest things have touched my conscience and made me want to change, where before I didn’t even really feel a conscience. As I have become even closer to the spirit and my heart has been refined, every imperfection has been burned deep within me, causing me to change. I hope to continue in this process forever until that day I can stand spotless before Heavenly Father.
The Atonement
Before my mission, this is how I pictured The Atonement. I pictured a piece of paper with my name on it. Every time I sinned, it got written down, then when I repented, it got a line through it, but never erased. So yes I had been forgiven, but really never forgotten. Then I pictured the final judgment, “Oh my, Carina, you had many papers with many lines crossed out. I’m glad you repented, but still, couldn’t you just have been a little better?” Maybe that’s why in my youth I didn’t change because I felt hopeless to true and real forgiveness? As I got older, even on my mission as I became more purified, this always brought me much sorrow, I yearned to go back and to change my mistakes and my choices, I would do anything to have a blank paper. As I was once explain this theory during an interview with my mission president, that I REALLY thought this was how the Atonement worked, my eyes were opened to another way.
Now picture this, that same piece of paper, with my name on it. Every time I sinned, it got written down. But this time when I repented, because of the atonement, the sin was erased. It was deleted, backspaced, whited out. My page went back to being blank, because of the Atonement the “...Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42). This gave so much more hope! I really could let my past go and be forgiven and The Lord would never bring them back up, especially not in final judgment. The atonement is really everything. It covers our sins, our sorrows, our grief, our pain, the unfairness of life, the ripple effect of sins that cause hurt to others we can never erase. It covers everything and most importantly everyone. I have taught many people that needed the Atonement in their life, and I testified to them of its reality. I once even taught a man that had spent 25 years in prison, and had made many wrong choices in his life, he more than anyone needed the Atonement. As I testified of the power of the Atonement in his life and how he truly could be forgiven of everything in his entire life, I felt the spirit. I knew that Heavenly Father loved this man, I knew he could be forgiven of his past, as dark as it was. Then as I attended his baptism, it was the most spiritual baptism I have ever been to. He received a remission of his sins, and he felt it. As he stood in that baptismal font, fresh out of the water, he just sobbed, muscles, tattoos and all. He had been forgiven. And then I realized, if he can be forgiven, if the Atonement is for everyone, then maybe, just maybe it can be for me too. I can be healed too. Heavenly Father loves me just as much, I too can have my paper wiped clean, back to being blank. This truth has changed me the more than anything. I yearn so much to be clean in the eyes of God, and now I know how I can be, it is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Because He loved me just enough. All I have to do is sincerely repent and then keep living the commandments. Although I believe in this principle, I am still striving to just believe it, and know it can be for me too. I have come so far in my testimony of the Atonement, and I will strive the rest of my life to fully believe, understand and strive to apply it in my life.
I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to serve a mission. It has truly and forever changed the course of my life. I feel so blessed to have learned these truths while I am young and can continually apply throughout the remainder of my life. I know as I read my scriptures daily, pray in the morning and the evening, live all the commandments and apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ in my life, I can stand forever be ready to stand blameless before my Heavenly Father with the utmost assurance that I did serve Him with all my heart, might, mind and strength (D&C 4:2).
Sister Carina Wawro
PICTURES:
Fun Pics from the Week
Now this sign just cracked us up!
District Lunch, that was fun! We have some great elders, they are quirky.
The King family, whom I LOVE, definitely one of my favs.
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